>Reasons I haven’t been blogging:

1. Trying to sort through clothes, toys and what-not for an upcoming yard sale.
2. Either re-sorting or flopping on the couch and momentarily giving up after my “helpers” have unsorted the clothes, toys and what-not for the yard sale.
3. Pressure washing our fence.
4. Peeling from the sunburn acquired from the day spent pressure washing the fence.
5. Attending the wake and funeral of my grandmother’s husband.
6. Being wiped out from nursery duty at church.
7. Finding good deals (Y’all won’t believe the deal I got on a Macclaren stroller!).
8. Wishing and hoping and dreaming about a beach vacation, if Hubs gets a bonus this summer.
9. My job as the girls’ social director.
10. Doctors appointments and routine bloodwork.

In the meantime, I’m going to respond to a comment from my most previous post:

Great reminder. I’m very struck by how different the tone is in this entry compared with your pre-pregnancy posts. God really has changed you in some profound ways, huh? You’ve been walking through a LOT of refinement in the couple years I’ve been reading your blog. It’s encouraging to watch (read?)

First, thank you. I hope I’m growing and that I am learning the lessons God has been trying to teach me.

Second, infertility is so many things, one of the primary things being frustrating. And I used my blog to vent a lot of that frustration because most people I know don’t understand. Not to mention that there was an odd baby boom going on all around me at the time, further aggravating the frustration.

Third, once you go through what we have, your priorities have so quickly aligned that things that used to bug the crap outta me don’t so much anymore. Really, I think it’s the perspective that comes along with a situation like that. Also, and so very importantly, through my pregnancy with Abbie, I learned that, in reality, we have no control over anything. The only thing we can do is put it (whatever it is at the time) in God’s hands and wait. The answer isn’t ours; it’s His. The timing isn’t ours; it’s His.

As frustrating as that was for me during when we were trying to get pregnant, oddly, it’s kind of refreshing now, because I’ve learned that when the only thing we can do is lean on God and trust Him, we best do it, because we’ll drive ourselves crazy trying to fix it on our own. During my pregnancy, God did a work in me. Some people call it a gift. But basically, it’s this:

Philippians 4:7
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

People were actually kind of shocked that we weren’t freaking out during my pregnancy. But, when God gives you a gift of peace, it might not make sense to a lot of people. Yes, we knew what the statistics were. Yes, we knew there was a chance our baby might not live. It was a process of leaning more on God and less on ourselves or even on modern medicine. Especially, it was a process of trusting more and more in God and His word.

No, I’m not where I need to be, but I hope I’m a few steps ahead of where I used to be.

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