>The professional organizer I hired last summer is coming back today.

*sigh*

It’s not her; it’s me. Actually, we didn’t get our projects finished, and between crazy work for me and what not, we haven’t met since September or October. Today will be pretty much us starting over.

I hate that I “need” someone to help me get my home the way I want it.

I wish I was a little OCD about my house. But, my pendulum swings the other way… not to mention that I am related to a hoarder and that kind of stuff is genetic (really! Someone told me that hoarding is on the same spectrum as OCD… long, long explanation as to why, but in short, people can get a bit overwhelmed with wanting to categorize all their stuff (the OCD part of it), so they just kind of shut down and do nothing… there are many other components to it, as well.. too much to list here).

But I’m not going to say it’s necessarily in my genes. For me, my M.O. has always been that when things are really rough, I shut down a bit. I kind of wallow in a depressive state for a while, but when I finally want to dig my way out (literally and metaphorically), I get overwhelmed. I hate that about me.

I’m trying to re-frame the organizing thing… trying to look at is as “life coaching,” because that’s what it is. But I have to admit, I feel pretty pathetic about it. In a way, it’s kind of like hiring a professional personal trainer. In a way, it’s like hiring a maid, only on a much bigger scale. It’s kind of like joining Weight Watchers. All these things help you reshape your life and improve your life.

In many ways, I want to reshape and improve my life. Those areas are my weight, my health, my relationships and my home. Wanting better is a good thing and I know that getting help in any of those areas really is a good thing.

But why do I still feel like a loser?

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