>I’ve been feeling very “blah” lately, and it’s not completely attributed to the fact that the girls and I were sick last week. It’s been going on longer than that, and though I’ve wanted to write about it, I have instead avoided it. Because that’s my M.O. when things aren’t going right. I’ll think about it for a while and when I’m ready, I’ll write. If I ever get to that point. Two examples are: I haven’t yet written about the passing of one of my mentors this past summer and I haven’t finished the Abbie story yet. But I will. In my own time.
Anyway, lately I’ve been feeling very disconnected from my church and in many ways, from God. We are doing a corporate fast and I have to say, I’ve never struggled with a fast ever as much as I have with this one. I don’t know why. All I know is, it’s been harder for me to pray (either by time or, I hate to say it, by desire). The temptations to eat or drink during fasting times has been worse than I’ve ever experienced. I’m stumped as to why this time is so different.
It’s been hard to keep connected to church with my work schedule. The thing that bums me out is, I know I can’t get really connected until after Christmas… and I hate that, because I had hoped that we could be more involved this year than we were last year, when we couldn’t even go to church because of keeping Abbie away from large crowds before her surgery.
It’s just frustrating and makes my heart ache. I so wish I were better at practicing my faith, of living it every day in a way that really exemplifies Jesus and what I believe he would want me to do. So, spiritually speaking, I have the Blahs.