>I didn’t mean to sound depressing about our finances. Yesterday I was worked up because I’m not sure what I should do. Do men beat themselves up about getting a job? Daycare for the kids? Staying home? Maybe it’s not the same as it is for women, but I do think they think about it.

Anyway, my mind was occupied with “What should I do?” all day yesterday. If I go to work part-time, will it be enough money? If I go to work full-time, what does that mean for the girls? For Abbie? For me missing out on (the daytimes of) their childhoods?

It was an awful day, really, to be consumed with guilt about things before they even happen. But I know what it would mean to go back to work full-time and put a child in daycare for the first time. I’ve done that and it’s no fun for anyone.

Funny aside: On top of worrying about money, I ran into my grandmother at the grocery store last night (odd, since she doesn’t live in my town), and she remarked about how much weight I’ve gained since she saw me last. Talk about the icing in the cake!


My plan is: take the part-time job, try to save enough money to do the work-from-home business and possibly, next fall, start taking classes to work towards teaching. Also, I’m going to mail my resume in for the copywriting job and at least give it a chance. Jobs like that aren’t available in my area too often, and I don’t want to regret not trying, at the very least. IF I were interviewed and IF I was offered the job, I suspect I’d be a lot like I was yesterday.

I finally came to my senses this morning and decided to not worry about the what ifs and to just try to do what is really important: enjoy my girls and the summer. The other things will have to work themselves out.